Lockdown
by Honey Lane
Summary: my version of the Lockdown kiss and what came after, please R


They broke off-neither sure what to say, or do, neither sure of how the other felt-still.  
  
"I'm sorry" Carter said finding it impossible to make eye contact "What?" Abby stepped away confused "That shouldn't have happened" He turned away and walked to the other side of the room "No maybe not" Abby looked down at the floor hurt, realising the power he had on her. A minute ago she was the happiest she'd ever been. She was enveloped in an embrace with her best friend, her crush, her alley, her idle, her everything. Her hands caressing his neck his hair. Their lips moving simultaneously, and their tongues locked together just how they were supposed to be. But now as his voice echoed through her thoughts and her heart "That shouldn't have happened". She felt hot tears ready to engulf her and automatically flicked to anger. How dare he lead her on like this! He knew how she felt! She had made it clear to him! How dare he kiss her! How dare he invade her! How dare he do this to her! "I'll go and check on the patient" Carters voice echoed through the awkwardness in the room. He felt like an idiot, he wasn't sorry, and that should have happened! That embracement, that loving kiss-that was what he had dreamed of for the last eternity and when he finally gets it he said "That shouldn't have happened"! He hated himself! As he shut the door behind him he took a brief moment to look at her-God she looked mad. He was dreading the next six months, where there would be nothing but awkwardness between them-and maybe the odd stolen glance. He really only wanted to be close to her, and he didn't mind if friendship was the only thing she was ever going to offer her, he just wanted more, had always wanted more, and sometimes stupidly asked for more. He pretended to give the little boy a once over and placed the stethoscope on his heart. But he couldn't concentrate, all he could see was her face, all he could hear was her voice and all he could feel was her. He needed help!  
  
He sighed as he shifted off the sideboard and walked towards the quarantine area, his quarantine area. He couldn't stay in this one all his life just to avoid her, and anyway how many times do the parents need to say "Thanks Doc" before giving him the impression that he wasn't wanted. He stuck his hand out for the door handle praying that she was asleep. Praying he didn't have to talk to her, explain his actions because he knew if he did he would tell her, and telling her would bring more than this torment, telling her would make her leave Chicago forever. She heard the door creak behind her and turned around to see him, she thought he was never coming back. Thought he couldn't even stand to be in the same room as her after she kissed him. "Sorry I didn't mean to wake you" He said coldly "I wasn't sleeping, Carter, look please" "Don't Abby you don't have to say anything" He turned away knowing how she felt. Knowing being in the same room as him was making her squirm. Knowing she could never trust him again, not after this. He stared out of the window, into the pit of night, rain was gushing it down now, trying to break through the window. Lightening flashed showing the trees shaking their roots, bending backwards as the wind touched them. He couldn't believe the last six hours, was he a hero? Or a coward? He saved a little boys life, grabbed him from the hands of death, but then he chucked his relationship with Abby out there instead. He had no idea what made him do it, no idea at all. He was thinking it, he felt Abby's hands around his neck and was dreaming it, but he thought he knew the consequences. He did know, it's just the way she was looking down at him, the way her arms were still around his shoulders when he backed away, the way she was, the way she made him feel. He loved her. He really did love her.  
  
"We've got the confirmation folks" The health guy told them, finally saving them from the suffocation of silence. "Who's first?" "Do you want to go?" Carter said not wanting to be the first to leave. "No, you go" She said praying he was going to be alright, he didn't have any symptoms, but it was still early, maybe they hadn't shown yet. She watched his tall figure follow the man, and she knew that if she let him walk out that door she would loose him forever. "Carter don't go, don't walk away from this again" She watched him turn around and face her a solemn look on his face, she didn't care if telling him would hurt him more, he had to know. He had to know how unexpected that kiss was, how surprised she was that he still felt the same, that maybe they could be something more. She was still in shock when he backed away. She was unsure of the next move to take, that's why she agreed she didn't mean to agree. She, she was beginning to realise. That kiss was just.. that kiss was just what? Just perfect. She saw him turn away forcing her back into reality and realising she had just been staring at him for what must have been ten minutes. But what could she say? She didn't have it straight in her own head yet-anything she'd start to say wouldn't make any sense, or would make the situation worse-no the best thing she could do was let him leave. She watched his slumped figure down the corridor thinking about that kiss-how something she thought she could never feel was entered so deeply into her in the space of a few minutes. She thought about how she loved him, truly loved him-for the first time.  
  
Carter rolled over as he hit the alarm button. Today was not going to be worth living, it was February the 14th. It was February the 14th and his valentine was going to be making out with his boss all day. He buried his face in his pillow and let out a long low groan.  
  
"Morning beautiful" Abby opened her eyes and saw the feast Richard had put in front of her. Toast, eggs, bacon oh and gorgeous a blueberry muffin. She smiled up at him grateful-he was being so sweet recently; so making up for those days he was being a complete twat. "Thank you" He kissed her forehead lovingly and whispered, "You really do look stunning this morning" "Don't be stupid. My breath smells, my eyes are red, and my hair is completely messed up" She laughed tucking into the food "You do feel like breakfast don't you? I mean you did drink rather a lot last night" "Richard if you don't know me by now I don't think you've got the intelligent Doctor thing down perfectly yet" Commenting on her morning ritual of stuffing her face running to the bathroom and chucking up all the contents of the poison she had consumed the night before.  
  
Carter slammed the coffee pot down on the table pissed off. It didn't matter what he did this morning he couldn't get her out of his head. Her and the way she was acting last night, being so playful and flirty, teasing him. "Don't break that it's expensive" He heard her voice behind him and smiled. She was definitely the most important woman in his life-she never messed him around. "Gamma" He stood up and kissed her "How are you feeling this morning?" "It should be me asking you that John-I wasn't the one who had the hospital party" He sighed as she entered the memory of her into his brain again "Do you feel that bad?" "It's not a hang over" "I never said it was" She insisted smiling at him "It's not it's just her" "Ah, she. Tell all" She said sitting down as she poured another cup of coffee for herself  
  
She got out of his convertible as he kissed her cheek. He was lovely and thoughtful and he definitely hadn't lost his charm, no he was the best man for her. Well the second best man. "See you tonight" He said driving off You see the first best man had decided to fall completely in love with his ex. Had decided after one kiss that obviously Abigail Lockhart wasn't good enough for him and the doctor was. Not that she could blame her, she did like her. She was intelligent and sweet and funny, but she shouldn't be his, she should never be his. "I didn't see you last night" She heard his voice behind her and smiled instantly. Then made a mental note that he doesn't know how she felt about him and turned down the smile. "Hi Carter" She said waiting for him to catch her up. He looked amazing. His leather coat resting on his shoulders, his hair slicked back and his eyes sparkling so brightly-shut up! She scolded herself. "How was last night?" She said reminding herself that although he had lost hope of ever getting Susan back he was still able to pull gorgeous leggy blondes without a messed up past, and that maybe the one night stands he would have with them would be better than a lifetime commitment to her. "Crap" He commented knowing where she was coming from "She went of with Malike" Abby smiled to herself well maybe he wasn't. "I'm sorry" "No she had the personality of dish water she didn't laugh at that monkey joke" "Mmm" She said making the mental smile visible "Ever wondered why nobody ever does" "Hey your ex husband did" Abby laughed nervously-he still didn't know about Richard and her getting back together. Not that she was ashamed, Richard was a great man, just that she knew the day she admitted it to Carter was the day she admitted to herself she was never going to make that one kiss longer, and she just wasn't ready to do that yet. "So where were you then?" He asked opening the door for her "Sorry?" "Last night-I didn't see you there" "I had things to do." She said not wanting the subject to go any further. The things to do being meeting Richards parents again, and the fact that it fell on the night of the hospital Valentines day party was purely coincidental (Yeah right)! Thankfully the bizarre sight that met their eyes stopped the conversation from going any further. It was a peculiar monkey like thing singing in a rather scarily high pitched voice what sounded like "I think I love you" to Susan. Abby felt Carter freeze beside her and once again felt like personally murdering Susan in front of him, not only for taking him off her but for not wanting him. The song ended and the monkey took off his head revealing himself to be Stuart and kissing Susan who was still laughing hysterically. Stuart was their boss. Stuart was Susan's boyfriend. And Stuart was, as Carter proved by the look that was becoming evident on his face, the only guy Carter ever hated with a vengeance (enough to kill anyway). Suddenly he stormed passed the happy couple and screamed loud enough for deaf people in China to hear "There are patients you know!" And slammed the lounge room door behind him. The couple looked at each other and as Stuart walked off to find one of the patients that Carter told him about Susan's eyes reverted to Abby with something like sympathy. Abby walked over to her, not wishing to be the next one who walked into the lounge room as she would more than certainly get killed. "Sweet" She said commenting on the monkey Susan looked dreamily as she thought about him "Yeah, yeah he's amazing" and then returned to the sympathy eyes "You have a date for tonight?" "Yeah, yeah" "Oh with who?" "We've been together for quite a long time" Abby said absentmindedly looking towards the lounge room door wondering how many plates he was smashing in there "Oh I didn't know" Susan's eyes also trailed to the lounge room door. "No we haven't told anybody here yet." Abby said as Carter left the lounge room scrubbed up, looking if possible even more edible "Looks like it's safe to go in there" Abby smiled to Susan and walked off to another day at County. 


End file.
